Ever since I started choosing my word of the year, I would sit down with my journals, pictures, and notes from the year that was ending, and ask myself; ‘how does my heart feel about all of this?’
Once I sit with those feelings, the word usually comes to me. Sometimes the word is on the tip of my tongue but I can’t think of it and it takes me a little longer to find the right word.
From Purpose to Tenacious
In 2019, I chose “purpose” because I wanted the things I did to have meaning. And they did, even if I didn’t realize what the purpose was at the time (there goes being able to say, “I meant to do that!”).
When I looked back on 2019, I was happy with the things I did, the choices I made. I felt satisfied with where I was and gave myself permission to let go of the things I didn’t get to do.
There are too many times to count where I didn’t forgive myself for the things I didn’t do or the mistakes I made.
The decisions I did make were hard ones and for someone who has felt lost and incapable of making decisions and following their heart (no pun intended, well maybe.) for so long, it felt good to make some scary decisions and figure the rest out as it came.
This year I choose Tenacious.
I love saying it. I feel a little Jack Black-ish when I do.
It’s a fantastic word.
Tenacious: Not easily pulled apart; persistent in maintaining, adhering to, or seeking something valued or desired.
The history and etymology for the word is just as wonderful; holding fast, clinging, persistent.
I chose tenacious because when I examined 2019, I looked at the decisions I made and realized I had set myself up for the next steps in 2020. The only thing I needed was a plan and the willpower to keep going.
Plus, tenacious seems to fit me; I am stubborn, I can be courageous when I need to, but most of all, I keep trying. I may consider quitting (often at times), but I’ve never followed through.
Whether it be, using my voice and being an advocate for my kids, helping someone in need, or, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, taking care of my heart, 2019 was full of decisions based on my heart, both the literal and the figurative. It took a lot of courage to make some of those decisions.
There are always going to be important decisions to make – this year I’m looking at business and my overall health. I cannot tell myself “No” if I am to do the things I want this year.
For example, it’s time to grow as a freelance content marketing writer. I’ve been a little too stagnant and honestly, a little too afraid to ask for more or believe I could do better. When I took the remainder of last year off, I spent it reflecting, learning, and deciding whether or not I should hang up my writing hat and find another path. Thankfully, I woke up from that nightmare of an idea and realized I couldn’t. I would never be happy if I did. I would regret it. Always.
Most importantly, open-heart surgery helped open my eyes. While I have a better, more comprehensive pacemaker now, it won’t do me much good if I don’t change a few things. To date I’ve undergone a sleep study and confirmed I have sleep apnea, I spoke to my doctor about weight management, and a couple of weeks ago, I started cardiac rehab therapy. Being a reformed non-compliant patient and recovering from surgery hasn’t been easy but the really hard work is just beginning.
I don’t often ask this, but I’d love it if you joined me this year – be my cheerleader? Help me celebrate the big and small wins and remind me when I feel like throwing in the towel.
Did you choose a word for this year? Don’t keep me in suspense, tell me!