Ever since 2023 began, more and more cashiers at our local grocery store have asked if I want to use my senior discount during their store’s dedicated “Senior Tuesday”.
Maybe it’s a new thing that’s being built into the cashier training, maybe the cashiers just want to see the elderly take every discount there is (especially in a society that continues to cut care and assistance for the elderly). Regardless, I can’t stand it. I think for some women, probably most of us, asking this question is right up there with being asked when your baby is due. (Ahem.)
And before you tell me, yes, I know I can shop on other days during the week, and I do! But it seems like I end up at the store for one thing or another on senior discount Tuesday.
I typically do my shopping in the morning when I’m in town and before it gets swamped with tourists (that’s a whole separate topic for a different day). I find it’s easier to get in, get what I want, and get out. Most of the time, things are fine and everything goes off without a hitch but it never fails, at least twice a month, I get THAT question…
Just Say No
I’ve had some friends tell me when the cashiers ask if I want to use my senior discount, I should just say Yes. But I can’t bring myself to do it. I find this not just dishonest but affirming to the cashier, that they were right; I am as old as I feel, as old as my hair makes me look. Except I’m not old or elderly or frail.
Still, I won’t say yes, not even once. It feels wrong. And I guess deep down in my very anxious gut, it would also affirm how I feel on the inside.
Blame it on the Gray
No, not Meredith Grey, all the grays I’m sporting in my hair now. It makes me look old, it makes me look like I need the senior discount. But have some theories on the overabundance of gray hair, though none of them are reversible.
- Alaska. Living in Alaska has aged me. It may have made me wiser and at times, more confident but it definitely aged me.
- My janky heart. Heart failure, open heart surgery, two cardioversions in the span of six years, and eight medications to take daily (some twice a day – does that mean I count them twice?) plus two supplements probably have more to do with it than I want to think about.
- My personal favorite, Perimenopause. And all that hair is thinning too. JUST. LOVELY.
When I snapped
Please understand, it happened ON MY BIRTHDAY; quite easily one of my favorite days of the year but this year it was an already emotional day that was passing without fanfare, gifts, or even cake (yes, I think we are allowed to be selfish on our birthdays).
The cashier was youngish (definitely younger than I am) and she said the dreaded words…
DO YOU WANT TO USE YOUR SENIOR DISCOUNT TODAY?
I took a deep breath, I counted to 10, and then, I just…
“No, not today thank you because today’s my birthday. I’m 48. I’m not even close to needing, or wanting, a senior discount. But thank you for making my birthday less exciting than it already was.”
I said it with the sweetest Southern bless-your-heart face and smile that I could muster. I grabbed my bag of groceries and left. I didn’t turn around to see the reaction of the people behind me or the cashier. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough.
It wasn’t my proudest moment. But it was my birthday. I felt low, sad, and depressed. Another year went by and I couldn’t celebrate the way I wanted to and with no one but three young adult men (my boys) to observe it with (bless them, they did make an effort though).
I normally don’t go out of my way to make others feel like shit but that day, was different. I wanted someone to feel like I did – just for a moment. And don’t come at me with your hate mail. I know it was a shitty thing to say.
What? Like you’ve NEVER snapped?
Avoiding future senior discount opportunities.
I know part of the problem I have with the senior discount boils down to how I look. While I have never been someone overly vain about my looks, I do try to not look like I just rolled out of bed when I leave the house for the day (even if that’s precisely what I did).
I don’t post the “feeling kind of cute, might delete later” pictures on social media. When I do post a picture, it’s more or less to let people know I’m still alive. If anything, I probably undervalue my looks. I will gladly accept “You’re so cute” compliments, those are always nice, even if I may not believe it, but I’d rather someone tell me how smart, funny, clever, or interesting I am.
When I go to the store now, I always aim for the self-checkout. This way, I can avoid all cashiers. There’s no small talk, no seemingly innocent questions, and no speculation about my age. I like it better this way.
Can I go to a different grocery store? Yes. The other option(s) are smaller stores, not large chain stores. Unfortunately, the many staples my house goes through (like bread, milk, and cheese) cost twice what I find in the larger chain store I frequent.
Maybe it’s my ADHD, my awesome neurodivergent brain, or the never-far-out-of-reach depression and anxiety I have been dealing with this year but grocery shopping shouldn’t be this hard, right?
One thing though, when I do get to the “senior discount” age, I will embrace it. Because if I’m being honest, by then I will have earned it and I will have lived far past the age doctors thought I’d live to when I was born. That’s a Huge milestone if you ask me.
Do you have any grocery stores or aging hang-ups? Please tell me in the comments below. I can’t be the only one, right?
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