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You are here: Home / Personal thoughts / What a waste

What a waste

By Know-it-All Nikki Leave a Comment

I am a terrible blogger. Maybe I need to make a 3/4-of-the-year-is-over resolution. I resolve to try and blog once a week.

I was looking back on my last blog and it occurs to me that the source of inspiration that I was so desperately praying to would start school soon. And guess what? they have and I haven’t gotten much further. I admit that it is very nice to grab the baby and pick up and just leave without all the drama of who rides shotgun or who sits next to the baby and honestly, Peanut doesn’t care who sits next to him. I can’t wait for him to learn to talk and tell me who he doesn’t want sitting next to him.

I think that my very sick, injured PC is finally fixed. It took far too much money to figure out that my antivirus was making my PC sick… Go Figure. The very thing that is supposed to keep my PC from having problems was the source of my problem. I won’t go into what it finally cost in the end but I will just say that I do not have that money. I will have to sell one of the children to cover the bill.

As for expensive problems. This probably isn’t the place to blog about this but I am at a loss for where else to bitch at. But I think that my B and I are headed for a divorce unless I can convince him to go to counseling. I won’t go into every detail because frankly I don’t think I can right now. I know I don’t want my marriage to end but I just don’t know what else I can do. He says that I don’t contribute to the marriage and that it doesn’t feel like a marriage to him and maybe we should just end things before we waste more of our lives. Since he says he has to think about some things before he decides this is what he wants to do, I am going to ask that he go to counseling with me first. If he says No, then… well to methat siunds like healready knows what he wants and it isn’t to fix things.

Filed Under: Personal thoughts Tagged With: Everything Else

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Hi there!

I’m Nikki and I’m thrilled to have you here. I’m powered by a good chai latte, loads of chocolate, and humor. Here at Know-it-all Nikki, I dish up honest conversations about life with adult congenital heart disease and mental health. I also share my love of books, knitting, midlife, and life after divorce. So, pull up a seat and grab a beverage. Let’s spill some tea, have a lot of laughs, and a few good cries. To learn more about what makes me tick, CLICK HERE

knowitallnikki

#writer 📲 #Binder #bookblogger #Knitter 🐑 💙 #chd #ACHD #TGA📧 hello@knowitallnikki.com 📸 ©️ @knowitallnikki


Ok, okay, I won't go anywhere. Promise.
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.
.
.
#c

Ok, okay, I won't go anywhere. Promise.
.
.
.
.
#charliesworld #catstagram #instacats #catsofig #housecatlife


Technically, he's not ON my planner, thus preventi
Technically, he's not ON my planner, thus preventing me from filling it out, but he IS laying on the stickers I need to fill in the days and dates.
.
.
.
.
#charliesworld #instacats #catsofinstagram #catsofig #housecatlife catstagram


The world is falling apart.
The world is falling apart.


Head to the blog (link in bio) and read the latest
Head to the blog (link in bio) and read the latest. I've been trying to figure out how to write this for 2 months now and I still don't know if I got it right.
.
.
.
#knowitallnikkimovestoohio #dtga #heartmonth #ACHD #adultchdsurvivor


Well poop, I missed day 4 (Early Answers, Lasting
Well poop, I missed day 4 (Early Answers, Lasting Impact) and day 5 (How We Monitorthe Heart)! But it's fine! Because they both fit nicely for today's adventures which consisted of a carotid artery ultrasound (day 5) and a series of messages between myself and @nationwidekids to discuss how best to approach the weight loss struggle (day 4). 🤨😠

But it also ties in beautifully with day 6 of #heartmonth, #choosingjoy because despite all of the crap that goes along with being an adult with CHD, I am genuinely joyful. Some of comes out in sarcasm but I've told people if I'm not cracking jokes or inserting some token sarcasm into the day, then something is truly wrong. The last 2 years have been hard, but believe me when I say, I AM HAPPY and I'm wearing red today!
.
.
.
.
#ACHD #congenitalheartdefectsurvivor #WearRedforHeartMonth


I almost missed it, day 3 prompt for #heartmonth i
I almost missed it, day 3 prompt for #heartmonth is #lifebetweenappointments 

Yeesh, where do I start? Right now my life between appointments is a little chaotic. The number of appointments has increased a thousand fold than what I was used to growing up.  There are more appointments now than I had when I was pregnant with all four kids!

I struggle to keep them straight or where they're going to be. I write them down in a paper planner, my wall calendar, and my phone's calendar. And I still wind up looking them up multiple times because I don't trust my brain's ability to recall.

I'm expected to write down detailed symptoms. I don't recognize symptoms as symptoms. It just feels like a Tuesday to me. But do try to have a normal life, the docs encourage: eat right, be active, get sleep. How do I do that and not wonder if what I'm feeling while I'm trying to be normal is a symptom?
.
.
.
.
#heartfailure #congestiveheartfailure #congenitalheartdefect


Waiting.
.
.
.
#catsofinstagram #charliesworld #in

Waiting.
.
.
.
#catsofinstagram #charliesworld #instacats #catsofig #catstagram


Day 2 of #heartmonth is #motivationmonday. All I c
Day 2 of #heartmonth is #motivationmonday. All I can say, is sometimes motivation feels like the end of a very long tunnel; a pinprick of light in an otherwise black abyss. Motivation eludes me more than I care to admit. When it feels unattainable I feel like the little girl I used to be, opening my eyes in a pitch black room, are my eyes actually open? Making my way across the room, arms outstretched, hoping I don't run into anything, or worse, fall. 
And then other times, like on this Monday, motivation arrives and it feels easy, like a special occasion you'vebeen waiting for. So you wear the anatomical heart earrings your daughter bought you and you don the gifted knit heart cowl your knitty BFF made for you and for a day you feel normal.
.
.
.
.
#congenitalheartdefectsurvivor #congestiveheartfailure #dtga


Today kicks off the first day of #heartmonth. I st
Today kicks off the first day of #heartmonth. I still think it's silly to only give one day, one month, or even one week to talk about heart disease. Alas, here we are. 

I'm going to do my best to follow the 28 daily prompts for #heartdisease and #chdawareness but I make no promises.

Today's prompt is #BeyondtheDiagnosis. To me, looking beyond being born with a CHD means a few things:

It's the invisible things that can't be measured on a chart, like the fatigue, sadness for the health I wasn't born with, and the mental math of asking myself if I have enough energy for all I want to get accomplished in a week, or even a day.

It's being seen as a whole person; not the condition the doctors are treating. This a part of me, not all of me. I'm still a parent, friend, writer, a hopeless romantic. Yes, I'm a heart patient, I ALWAYS will be, but I'm also opinionated, stubborn, funny, and a person with real feelings. 

But most of all it's refusing to be reduced to number in the healthcare system, or someone else's discomfort.
.
.
.
#chdawareness



Follow on Instagram


knowitallnikki

#writer 📲 #Binder #bookblogger #Knitter 🐑 💙 #chd #ACHD #TGA📧 hello@knowitallnikki.com 📸 ©️ @knowitallnikki

Ok, okay, I won't go anywhere. Promise. . . . . #c Ok, okay, I won't go anywhere. Promise.
.
.
.
.
#charliesworld #catstagram #instacats #catsofig #housecatlife
Technically, he's not ON my planner, thus preventi Technically, he's not ON my planner, thus preventing me from filling it out, but he IS laying on the stickers I need to fill in the days and dates.
.
.
.
.
#charliesworld #instacats #catsofinstagram #catsofig #housecatlife catstagram
The world is falling apart. The world is falling apart.
Head to the blog (link in bio) and read the latest Head to the blog (link in bio) and read the latest. I've been trying to figure out how to write this for 2 months now and I still don't know if I got it right.
.
.
.
#knowitallnikkimovestoohio #dtga #heartmonth #ACHD #adultchdsurvivor
Well poop, I missed day 4 (Early Answers, Lasting Well poop, I missed day 4 (Early Answers, Lasting Impact) and day 5 (How We Monitorthe Heart)! But it's fine! Because they both fit nicely for today's adventures which consisted of a carotid artery ultrasound (day 5) and a series of messages between myself and @nationwidekids to discuss how best to approach the weight loss struggle (day 4). 🤨😠

But it also ties in beautifully with day 6 of #heartmonth, #choosingjoy because despite all of the crap that goes along with being an adult with CHD, I am genuinely joyful. Some of comes out in sarcasm but I've told people if I'm not cracking jokes or inserting some token sarcasm into the day, then something is truly wrong. The last 2 years have been hard, but believe me when I say, I AM HAPPY and I'm wearing red today!
.
.
.
.
#ACHD #congenitalheartdefectsurvivor #WearRedforHeartMonth
I almost missed it, day 3 prompt for #heartmonth i I almost missed it, day 3 prompt for #heartmonth is #lifebetweenappointments 

Yeesh, where do I start? Right now my life between appointments is a little chaotic. The number of appointments has increased a thousand fold than what I was used to growing up.  There are more appointments now than I had when I was pregnant with all four kids!

I struggle to keep them straight or where they're going to be. I write them down in a paper planner, my wall calendar, and my phone's calendar. And I still wind up looking them up multiple times because I don't trust my brain's ability to recall.

I'm expected to write down detailed symptoms. I don't recognize symptoms as symptoms. It just feels like a Tuesday to me. But do try to have a normal life, the docs encourage: eat right, be active, get sleep. How do I do that and not wonder if what I'm feeling while I'm trying to be normal is a symptom?
.
.
.
.
#heartfailure #congestiveheartfailure #congenitalheartdefect
Waiting. . . . #catsofinstagram #charliesworld #in Waiting.
.
.
.
#catsofinstagram #charliesworld #instacats #catsofig #catstagram
Day 2 of #heartmonth is #motivationmonday. All I c Day 2 of #heartmonth is #motivationmonday. All I can say, is sometimes motivation feels like the end of a very long tunnel; a pinprick of light in an otherwise black abyss. Motivation eludes me more than I care to admit. When it feels unattainable I feel like the little girl I used to be, opening my eyes in a pitch black room, are my eyes actually open? Making my way across the room, arms outstretched, hoping I don't run into anything, or worse, fall. 
And then other times, like on this Monday, motivation arrives and it feels easy, like a special occasion you'vebeen waiting for. So you wear the anatomical heart earrings your daughter bought you and you don the gifted knit heart cowl your knitty BFF made for you and for a day you feel normal.
.
.
.
.
#congenitalheartdefectsurvivor #congestiveheartfailure #dtga
Today kicks off the first day of #heartmonth. I st Today kicks off the first day of #heartmonth. I still think it's silly to only give one day, one month, or even one week to talk about heart disease. Alas, here we are. 

I'm going to do my best to follow the 28 daily prompts for #heartdisease and #chdawareness but I make no promises.

Today's prompt is #BeyondtheDiagnosis. To me, looking beyond being born with a CHD means a few things:

It's the invisible things that can't be measured on a chart, like the fatigue, sadness for the health I wasn't born with, and the mental math of asking myself if I have enough energy for all I want to get accomplished in a week, or even a day.

It's being seen as a whole person; not the condition the doctors are treating. This a part of me, not all of me. I'm still a parent, friend, writer, a hopeless romantic. Yes, I'm a heart patient, I ALWAYS will be, but I'm also opinionated, stubborn, funny, and a person with real feelings. 

But most of all it's refusing to be reduced to number in the healthcare system, or someone else's discomfort.
.
.
.
#chdawareness
Follow on Instagram

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