Therapy is a rollercoaster of information and feelings. One minute I’m celebrating the A-HA! moments and the next, I’m sobbing uncontrollably.
I would never hold it against someone who says therapy isn’t for them, or who doesn’t want their head “shrunk”. But, I would wonder if there was something they didn’t want to learn about themselves or the people they surround themselves with.
My head hasn’t been shrunk. It’s actually the same size or maybe even bigger than it was four months ago. Therapy has allowed me to stop taking the blame for other people’s failures and faults and to some extent, even my own, because, as much I am a know-it-all, I am not a PERFECT know-it-all.
That brings me to the point of this post. I was scrolling through Instagram, as one does, and saw a post that just hit me in the gut.
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I’ve been told I’m a lot more times than I can count. By my friends, colleagues, family, you name it, they’ve told me “you’re just, a lot.” I’ve also been told I’m a lot of other things… too loud, too aggressive, too wishy-washy…
I never knew how to respond.
Oh yeah, well you are a poo-poo head.
You think I’m loud now (usually followed by…)
You ain’t seen nothing yet.
Honestly, until now I never considered telling someone to simply GO FIND LESS.
Why would I ever think to tell someone who thinks I’m too much for them to go find something LESS. Something they are better equipped to handle.
Seeing Amanda’s post was both an A-HA and a sob uncontrollably moment.
Every time someone has told me I’m too much of something, it makes ME feel like less when really, it’s the other person who wants or needs less.
It doesn’t seem fair, does it? Maybe this therapy thing is opening my eyes to much more than fixing myself. I know I’m a flawed human. We are all flawed humans. But why should I, or any of you, feel like you’re in the wrong for someone else not being able to rise to your level or because they can’t handle you?
We don’t need to be handled. If they are uncomfortable, that only means they aren’t one of your people and if they’re not, then why be less than who you are just to make them happy?
In a way, therapy has reminded me of the good things that make me too much for other people.
I’m smart but I’ve always downplayed it because there was always seemed to be someone smarter in the room.
I’m capable but I don’t always do things the way other people do.
I’m passionate about the things and people that matter to me.
I’m easily excited (and amused too) but other people may be bored by those things.
I’m a creative thinker. A problem solver. (I get this from my dad, go ahead and tell him he’s not creative or a problem solver, I DARE you.)
Hell, I’m even somewhat cute, adorable even.
And all of those things make me, ME. And if you nodded yes to any of those, then that’s what makes you, YOU.
I made a promise to myself after heart surgery, I wasn’t going to keep on the way I had been. Things needed to change.
Maybe some of those things are me, and maybe they aren’t, but one thing is for sure if someone is telling you you’re a lot, it’s because they aren’t ENOUGH for YOU.