This happened four months ago but I’ve decided after recent events from others I know, to finish writing it and share it.
I should be working. I’m late on a deadline and my head hasn’t been in the best of places lately but it’s the beginning of the week so I was looking at today as being a clean slate to the week. Perfect to start out on the right foot; motivated and productive.
But my phone rang. Normally, I don’t answer my phone when I’m working unless it’s family, the school, or one of my kids. Numbers I don’t know either get declined or I let them ring through and listen to the voicemail later. However, I’ve been playing phone tag with our health insurance trying to get them to pay up for some of my past medical bills.
So when I didn’t recognize the number, I didn’t think much of it and answered.
This is what transpired (to my children, please don’t read any further):
Male voice, speaking slowly and with a slight accent: A special good afternoon and how are you today ma’am?
Me: And who is this?
Him: This is James Roger with the PCH Publisher’s Clearing House-
Me: Oh gosh, no. Please remove me from your list.
Him: Alright. After you suck my d*ck. Do you wanna suck it now?
Me: (HUGE GASP). Actually, I’m recording this call.
Him: I want you to suck my d*ck till I c*m. C*m in your face, c*m in your mouth.
Me: I’m recording this phone call and I’m going to blast it all over social media.
Him: I’m gonna c*m on your breasts. C*m in your mouth. C*m on your face. You like – you like sucking d*ck. Enjoy sucking d*ck right?
Me: You know what? Go F*ck yourself.
Him: I have a big…
I hung up. That’s where the call ended. The whole call was less than a minute. 49 seconds to be exact.
Even replaying the call so I can tell you has left me disgusted and my stomach turning. I feel like I want to vomit and I’m shaking all over again. I can feel my heart pounding and not in a good way.
I did a Google search of his number and found a few negative reviews but no real comments besides, “did not answer,” “hung up”, “didn’t leave a message” except one with someone who got the same response I did.
Why do people think they can do this? I mean it’s not the first time I’ve had a man say something like that to me but it’s always been in an aggravated or irritated tone after he’d turned in front of me or cut me off and I responded by laying on the car horn (and giving him the much-deserved finger).
He was calm, collected. So serious. So self-assured.
It’s beyond disturbing.
Now I’m more convinced than ever children under the age of 13 shouldn’t have cell phones.
I think back to the days of the “heavy breather” calls that we’d get and I wonder why those didn’t seem as sickening as this. Maybe it’s because words were never spoken. Just someone breathing like they’re horribly out of shape and ran seven miles. Nine times out of ten it was a friend you knew pranking calling you. I think I may have even done it myself, giggling with my girlfriends.
Do the heavy breather calls of our youth even come close to this? Is there any comparison at all to them?
I’m so emotionally sick that I don’t want to answer my phone again today. Or ever.
I know many people who have phone avoidance or phone anxiety. I’ve never been one of them. I’ve always considered myself lucky because I love my phone. I love talking on the phone to people. Even billing departments and customer service have induced laughter and interesting conversations.
I think hearing a friend or loved one’s voice over the phone makes a much deeper connection than a text ever will. A phone call saying, “hey, I’ve been thinking about you lately,” or “OMG… these kids are trying to kill me today,” carries far greater weight and fill our hearts faster than a text of the same words. A phone call brings people together and makes them feel like they really are next to you when they are really thousands of miles away and hours apart.
And in that same vein, his words made a deep, unsettling connection with me that I never wanted or asked for. At that moment, he was right here. Next to me. Speaking calmly. Confidently.
I’m shaken. Sickened.
Maybe you’re reading and you’re thinking to yourself, “So what? Shit happens, move on,” or “It’s not he actually DID anything to you. There’s no reason to make a big deal out of it,” or even (my favorite #sarcasm) “Don’t you think you’re overreacting?” You’re welcome to think any or all of that, this post isn’t for you then.
I’m not sharing to seek attention. I’m telling you because I never thought I’d answer my phone and be spoken to like that. It’s never happened to me before and if it’s never happened to me before and I never thought it could happen then maybe you didn’t know that either. Maybe your teens or your daughters don’t know or your mother who can’t quite figure out her cell phone but has one anyway doesn’t know.
Or maybe it has and you don’t quite know what to do with that sick, disgusted, feeling in the pit of your stomach. To that I say, I don’t know either but you’re not alone.
Let’s be clear, this is no different than somebody grabbing my a$$ or trying to cop a feel as I walk by – it’s no different than someone trying to rub up against me in a crowded elevator or on a dance floor. It’s not any different from changing your mind about sex and saying “NO” only to be ignored (and yeah, all of these have happened to me.) In all of those cases, I didn’t ask for it. I didn’t welcome it.
Changing Your Mind and saying No revokes consent.
Dancing isn’t consenting.
Getting in an elevator isn’t consent.
Walking through a room isn’t consent.
Answering the phone isn’t consent.
The caller said his name was James and this is is the number he called from 876-470-4494. Please don’t answer if he calls you.
And yes, I really did record the phone call.